[she's ready to just let go, sink into that hug and not recover, because how can she recover now? he's dead, or he's going to die, and nothing she ever does will stop him, in fact the knife that does it is apparently hers. she's left with nobody, no family, no friend who's seen her at her highs and lows, who has held her through her mother's floating and her studying for the zero-g test, nobody who's heard her laugh until her stomach ached.
a part of her is missing, vacuumed straight out.
death makes people selfish, it's always about them, she's heard it. and it must be true, because she takes one ragged breath against octavia's shoulder and shakes her head violently.] Not here.
[not here means not where clarke, where lexa, can see her breaking down. not where anyone could. she pats her pocket and fishes out the room key, shoving it into octavia's hand before drawing away. her eyes dry, but for how long?] Not here.
you're making me go back to emotional hell two weeks later
a part of her is missing, vacuumed straight out.
death makes people selfish, it's always about them, she's heard it. and it must be true, because she takes one ragged breath against octavia's shoulder and shakes her head violently.] Not here.
[not here means not where clarke, where lexa, can see her breaking down. not where anyone could. she pats her pocket and fishes out the room key, shoving it into octavia's hand before drawing away. her eyes dry, but for how long?] Not here.